Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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