My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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