Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
