so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
