I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
