right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
