I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
