I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
