My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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