So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
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If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
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I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count