is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
