i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing