Dude my mom stole all your condoms
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out