you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
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Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
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he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.