He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is