2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Your dad touched me again.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
