You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
