PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
