gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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