Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
