Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
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I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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