Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
