This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
