thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
