Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
