can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
