you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
