shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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