oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
