The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
