if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
