who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
