the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
