shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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