getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
