I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
