yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
