I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
