i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
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Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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