well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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