There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
