Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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