Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
