she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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