Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
