...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
