Swine flu. Run for my life!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
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I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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