TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
