We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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