oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
