at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
