when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
