Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
