Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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