your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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