In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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