it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
