So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Randomize
