the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
