Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
