There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
