Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
