Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
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When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
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after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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