everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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