SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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