I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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