We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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