How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
