I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
