Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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