I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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