I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
