our cab driver is having phone sex.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
