The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize