Dual....:-)
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
