i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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