I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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