Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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