Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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