He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
