I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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