Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
