we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
