If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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